Castle for Sale

[Zegmorien]

Zegmorien wakes up on a crisp early Spring morning and leaps up out of bed. He then stretches and makes his way to the window. With a quick manuver he pushes open the shutters and breathes in cool air. "Ahhhh... what a great d..." unable to finish his sentence a large Swallow crashes into his face.

He gives chase to the Swallow as it flaps around his room completely destroying small items on the shelves and pelts the floor with bird droppings! Finally he manages to chase it out to the window to rejoin the daily flock that flies around the castle and Zegmorien cries out, "Darn you bloody birds!!! Every freaking day! I open these bloody shutters and you think I'm keeping a pile of seeds from you stupid creatures!"

Zegmorien stumbles down the stairs from his master bedroom tower and makes his way through the great hall, he flies through to the kitchen and grabs a large knife and then makes his way back through the great hall and into the foyer. He throws open doors while wearing his nightclothes and calls out while brandishing his weapon, "Blast you infernal demons with your beady little eyes and insatiable lust to make my life a living heck!! Why wont you just fly off with a coconut you you..."

The birds answer this outburst by bombarding Zegmorien with a substantial amount of dung. A nearby squirrel gives it a 7.0.

"Okay!" Calls out Zegmorien, "I've had enough! This is it.. I've had it up to here and I can bear it no more. I've tried everything this past year and you buggers seem to own the place. Well Fine!"

He then makes his way to the tool shed and finds some wood, a hammer and a chisel and goes to work on a sign. Satisfied with the final configuration he makes his way back to the entrance of his dwelling, and plants it in the pathway without another word. He stalks back to the front door and slams it shut behind him.

The sign reads:
"Castle for Sale! Open House Today! Open to All, No Really! No Appointment Required!"